Thursday, November 19, 2009

How To Have American Sex: The Final Word

We started this blog with a mission: to explore the various facets of the American mentality about sex. We put our thoughts, ideas, and opinions out here into cyberspace and, with your help, facilitated a discussion that drew a comprehensive picture of the nation's sexiest people! Our thanks go out to every one of our readers for taking the time to give us thoughtful feedback on our various posts. And now, without further ado, the WebMistresses of Red, Sex, and Blue present to you...


1. Sex is Choice
The decision to have or not have sex is a choice. To pressure someone about the decisions that they should make about their own body is wrong. Whether alone, with a partner, or as part of a Roman-style party, the word "no" is as acceptable and easily heard as the word "yes".

2. Sex is Expression
Everyone doesn't dress the same way, speak the same language, or even eat the same food. So why should sex be confined to one standard? There is no "right way" to have sex or to express one's sexuality. Not everyone has to agree with another's expression, but they do have to respect it. From missionary, to outdoors, to leather and lace, freedom of sexual expression is as American as apple long as there is whipped cream!

3. Sex is Individual
The definition as well as the significance of sex is going to change from person to person. What may be spiritually binding for one, may be simple, enjoyable fun for another. These differences should not be subject to judgement, but should be openly communicated, which is why the next charter point is...

4. Sex is Vocal
Communication is key! Only when people are honest about what they want and need sexually-with themselves and each other-can true sexual fulfillment be attained.

5. Sex is Necessary
Some people have sex; others don't. Sex is a way for people to bond, reproduce, and enjoy themselves. What is important to acknowledge is that sex is a driving force behind many facets of our society (consumerism, religion, and politics, to name a few), and ignoring it will not make it go away.

6. Sex is Educated
With so many STDs and STIs being contracted and treated every day, sex can be a dangerous activity. Not to mention the frequency of unplanned families for people who are not prepared for the responsibility. Too many of these incidents can be prevented by giving people the tool they need to defend themselves: knowledge. Sex education (based on scientific fact rather than moral philosophy) helps people make informed decisions that keep all involved parties happy and safe.

7. Sex is Genderless
From a historical context, sex has never been only between one man and one woman. The range of gender dynamics and vocabulary have expanded and changed so much, that to define sex as an activity between two individuals of opposite genders will exclude a large part of the American population. In today's American society, individual roles that are chosen hold more significance than gender roles that are prescribed.

8. Sex is Private
Simply put, what goes on in the private life of a person, couple, or group is no one's business but their own. To be nosy and judgemental is like loving to go to the beach but being allergic to sand. Mind your own.

9. Sex is Timeless
People don't stop having sex just because they are no longer young. Don't put an expiration date on something that has the potential to improve! With maturity, comes wisdom, and with wisdom, better choices in life and in love!

10. Sex is Social
America is a society that incorporates sex into its everyday life. As citizens, we share, teach, love, ask, answer, and uplift everyday as we connect from person to person. Sex is a part of life, and American life functions as a community.

Thank you for your participation. Now...go forth and have fun! Comment and let us know if you think our Charter for Sex can change America!


The WebMistrisses of Red, Sex, and Blue

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sexiness/Sluttiness: Same Difference.

Imagine this: You and a couple of girlfriends are leaving the cafeteria after lunch and you see a fellow student wearing a so-called “skanky” looking outfit. You and your friends look at her, then look at each other like “What is she wearing?” But then you all recognize her as she comes closer. It is none other than "Leticia Leslie" your close friend from Psychology 101. You decide to ask her why she is so scantily clad, to which she responds “Oh girl, they had the nerve to make me wear this for my "Dancing All-Stars" audition. I was so mad, but I got in though!!!” You and your friends finish up the chat with Leticia and go on your merry way. You still think she looks like a slut, but you also understand that she was required to dress the part for her dancing audition. This example can be applied to the understanding of the slutty and sexy perception that the public has about certain famous women. People can separate the job “requirements” from the person’s character if their craft is respectable according to societal standards. Tyra Banks was a model, so she revealed her skin to model. Halle Berry is an actress, so she bares her chest for the acting roles that require this of her. Beyonce is a performer, so she wears skimpy outfits to entertain her fans and spectators. The partial nudity is not an actual mandate and these women do not have to expose their bodies, but because being a model, an actress, and a singer are reputable professions in mainstream American society, the public makes this distinction and these women can be accepted as "sexy" and not as "sluts". On the other hand being a video vixen, a bisexual reality dating show star, and a rapper are not ideal professions that mothers would want their daughters to embark on, so famous women like Karrine Steffans, Tila Tequila, and Lil’ Kim are perceived as "slutty" even though they do or did what was expected of their craft as well.

Click the title to link you to a Karrine Steffans interview, you'll be very suprised about what she had to say about one of the aforementioned "sexy" women. Are sluts and sexy women so different after all?

Food for Thought...Kinda Like Chocolate Syrup!!

The pill. Some might argue it womankind's best invention! No worries about condoms breaking, someone "forgetting" to bring one (or a handful), or even being judged for being the kind of girl who carries Magnums around in her purse. You are in charge of your reproductive system. So, what happens when someone hijacks your right to reproductive autonomy? Let us know what you think!

p.s. The title of this post is a link to a pretty interesting article. I recommend you read it!

I Wanna Be a Hooker When I Grow Up!

Prostitues have always had a bad rap. They are "loose women", cold, calculating, and most likely the victim of some kind of abuse. Or maybe they're welfare moms, with no man in the house, just trying to feed their family. Sometimes(rarely) they are "escorts": beautiful, glamorous, and very expensive. No matter what their title, hookers are definitely on the bottom of the social food chain. Not to mention, destined for an eternity of fiery torment in whatever afterlife one may believe in (when it comes to ladies of the night, the religious status quo is pretty uniform). What few people consider is the useful and undervalued service these ladies provide. When you're sick, you can go to a doctor. If you're hungry, you can find a chef in a restaurant to make you anything your heart desires. Feeling a little...unhinged? Your friendly local therapist would be more than happy to take your money in exchange for listening to you pour your heart out. Priests are available for reassurance of a spiritual reward for not going to the club last week. Almost every need that we have as human beings can be serviced by one of the various branches of the American commercial industry. So, why is sex, another human necessity, left out of the loop? It's pretty widely accepted that the majority of people have sexual needs that they are going to handle in one way or another, so why not leave it to a professional?

Now, I'm not saying go out and pick up one of the hookers that strolls the back alleys behind that club or call the number on the late-night television ads. What I'm suggesting is that perhaps our country would benefit from a legalized, regulated option for sexual fulfillment. Prostitution could be like any other government job, with a paycheck, benefits, training, and references from a previous employer. If getting laid was as easy and safe as ordering a pizza, would the statistics about sexual assault be different? Of course, tragic situations like rape are very rarely about sex, but about an exercise of power over another individual. But why does sex have to be equated with power or control? Is it possible for society to develop in a way that does not stigmatize sex, but instead treats it as a human need that deserves as much attention as hunger? For now, it doesn't seem possible, but it is still nice to imagine..."Thank you for your order. Would you like whipped cream on that?"

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'll give you head for a McDouble

Sex is nothing more than a commodity that is traded for other goods such as material wants and emotional needs. People will have sex so they can give or receive pleasure, intimacy and gifts from their sexual partner. When people are in some type of committed relationship they will trade sex for chores. Giving flowers, candy, cards, poetry and other trinkets to someone is bartering for some sexual favors. This bartering system promotes the relationships of sugar daddy/momma and sugar baby. Although the culture of older women acting as sugar mommas that pamper young men and spoil them with endless expensive gifts. I found that so interesting that older women from England are going to Africa to date men young enough to be their grandsons. These young men are being cared for by these older women using the money and gifts given to them these men are just trying to survive. The young men do not believe that being "sugar babies" is not so bad because they have sex with these women once or twice a week. Does this aspect of the young men make them prostitutes and the older women pimps? When a older gentleman starts dating a young woman it is more acceptable. Or is it? Would you be a "sugar baby"? What do you think about offering sex to survive? Can sex be traded for goods? Is it okay to trade sex for other goods? Which is more important to trade sex for, emotion or money? Which is given more often?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Asexuality & Virginity: Not Synonymous

Why are virgin’s left out of sexual discussions? In this generation of raunchy culture where women feel liberated by being openly sexual and promiscuous without shame, how is a twenty something year old virgin supposed to feel, especially when all his/her friends are having sex often and can’t seem to live without it? Like an outcast. Well, that depends on their situation. If the person claims that they are saving their virginity for that one “special” person or waiting to get married, then I don’t think they’ll necessarily feel so bad about being a virgin, they might even be proud (even if they think their missing out in the meantime). If they have religious beliefs concerning pre-marital sex, then they’ll probably be a little judgmental about their friends’ sexual behavior and think they’re being immoral. If they are choosing to abstain from sex until they’re finished with school or getting their career established, then they might not feel so horrible about being an “old” virgin either. However, all of this does not address the frustration a virgin might feel when all their friends and family had sex ages ago and doesn’t want to talk to them about sex because they don’t want to hurt their “virgin ears”. In fact this may make the virgin feel really left out and abnormal.
To make this dilemma even more problematic and stigmatizing, there are even studies that conclude that losing your virginity later on, around the ages of twenty one to twenty three, can cause sexual health problems later on according to research done at Columbia University and the New York State Psychiatric Institute's HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies. (For more information go to and enter “virginity” in the search bar) So should a virgin feel proud or ashamed of their sexual purity in contemporary American society? If the virgin has to deal with peers and family members who render them asexual then they will more than likely feel ashamed, but if the virgin is socially engaged as a sexual being that has not yet experienced sexual intercourse, then they will probably feel more secure with their sexuality. The bottom line is this: Virgins are not asexual and should not be excluded from sexual discussions just because they are virgins. They have as much, if not more, sexual desire than a sexually active person. So feel free to talk to a virgin about sex because they will understand, for the most part anyway.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Forbidden Sex. . .

Rape me! You know you wanna. Forced sex is considered hot and erotic. Americans are so fascinated with forbidden sex. The list of forbidden sex includes rape, sex with minors/students, sex with your superiors (instructors, coaches, bosses), bondage, etc. Americans are closet freaks, but few will admit it to people out loud. What stops people from revealing what turns them on? I mean how are people going to reach sexual fulfillment if they do no explore their turn ons and turn offs. The lack of fulfillment causes people to accept sub-par sex. But then what about the people that already know what they like and what they want???? Hmm interestingly enough that is scarier than not knowing what you want. Because now more pressure is placed on you. Several questions cross your mind such as "she wants me to do what?" and "he wants me to do that where!?!" These questions start to force people into adventurous act they would have never heard of let alone have done. So what would you do to please your mate? I know this is a redundant question but seriously if you significant other told you that he or she wanted you to wear costumes or handcuffs? Would you do it? Or what if your sexual partner said they wanted to have sex outside? How far would you go to satisfy your mate?

-Click the title link to check out the top ten female fantasies from America's Mental Health Channel. Interesting.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Whores and Virgins going Head to Head!!!

Virgin or whore, those are the only two categories for women in America. Once a woman admits to having more than 2 sexual partners she is deemed a whore and several other names. I find this very strange especially since some men while dating avoid virgins like the plague but when these same men hear wedding bells they begin searching for a virgin to marry. Why it is that once an American woman reveals her sexual understanding to an American man all hell breaks loose? After reading an article that revealed that a new generation of young women in England has more sexual experience and partners than men, I thought about how traditional sexual ideals governs America. (This is the article if anyone is interested : Sadly these ideals do not just influence a preference for men they also control the lives and thoughts of women too. Women are afraid to be seen as someone with sexual knowledge because those with that type of experience are the whores that give their bodies away freely. These traditional views of sex have severely confined American women to the Elizabethan age when clearly we are in the 21st century. Ironically the Elizabethan age connects directly to England but it is America that holds on so strongly to this era’s ideals about women’s sex lives or the lack there of.
I believe that a woman should be able to have as many or more sex partners than a man so that she knows what pleases her in bed. A woman should be able to tell her partner what to do to please her just as a man can guide a woman to pleasing him. This double standard towards sex is mind boggling. Another thing that boggles my mind is that a man can have sex with as many women as he wants and he is just perfecting his technique. Plus this same guy is considered a hot item by women and a celebrated hero by men. Women on the other hand are seen as someone carrying an STD or just too easy for comfort. Even more surprising a woman cannot talk about her sex life to other women for fear of being judged too harshly. The word promiscuous alludes to a prostitute or a woman of the night so there is no good adjective for a woman with sexual experience. Although a man with sexual experience relates his knowledge to “baseball” since each time he gets a woman in his bed, he “scores a home run.”
What does everyone else think? Should Americans end this sexual double standard? Will the United States ever become “liberal” and allow women to be as sexual active as men? What is wrong with women have multiple sex partners? Do you think that women should have sex lives? Why or why not? When can women relate their sexual experience to a game just as men do? Ladies is it fair to consider your knowledge as a disadvantage? Are there any public advantages in women having sexual experience? Who do you prefer in your bed, the virgin or the whore? Is it possible to be both or something in between the two labels?